Unexpected Answer.

"If you ever want to hear God laugh, just tell Him your plans."

For like the last 6+  months I've been praying about whether I should go back to BYUI or go up to USU. I weighed the pro's and con's to the point I nearly drove myself insane and finally decided that I would make my decision on what school I'd receive the most financial aid from. That was a fail since I didn't get ANY financial aid. So finally, one night in my prayers, I told Heavenly Father that I would do whatever it was he wanted me to do. Thinking that I would get an answer to which school to go to. HA! WRONG! I got the answer to NOT go back to school. Oddly, I'm ok with that fact. Actually, I'm excited for it, because, I get to experience what I'll be doing after I graduate college and be able to understand better what it is my professors are talking about. I'll have experienced working in an actual special ed classroom (with one of THE best special ed teachers in the world, seriously, she is.), I'll have learned that it's ok that I don't know what rare syndrome a child has, but that I understand how to get into their individual worlds to see how I can best help them to learn. I want to be the best at what I do, and doing this, will help me achieve that. Plus doing it this way will help so I won't have to take out student loans. I refuse to EVER take out a student loan for myself. It's right for some people, but not me. I just don't like the idea of paying more later for school than what I actually did pay and I don't want to be in debt for school when I'm going to be a stay at home mom until my kids are older. Loans are right for some people, just not for me. Heck, I didn't even take a loan out for my car. Maybe I have a loanophobia or something...

This wasn't the answer I had expected to get, and it pretty much tosses all of my plans that I have had for YEARS out the window. I won't be done with school by the time Andrew gets home, heck, I'll only be a junior! I probably won't go to USU which I decided I'm only devastated about because  I won't have a diploma that says USU and I won't ever get to be a true aggie... Devastating, I know. So working my butt off until maybe next fall is my plan for now. It may change or it may not. The only thing that terrifies me about this new plan is how I'll be able to keep my sanity while living at home. Oh boy. Bring it on.