Dear Andrew...

Dear Andrew,

I promised I would give you all the details about this latest reaction when you got home. So here it is. I better be sitting next to you as you're reading this, if I'm not, don't read until I am! Aaaaand remember to be grateful I worked at the same school as my mom, and that we had lunch at the same time. Ok, thats all, you can read on now.

You already know it was a chicken salad sandwich. Here's what you don't know...
It took two bites for my mouth to start itching. I ran back to the Special Ed room to take benadryl, and I nearly choked trying to swallow them. It had been less than 2 minutes and already my throat was so closed off I could barely swallow. That's when Mom ran in and said she found nuts chopped up in my sandwich. I grabbed the epipen out of my purse and we ran to the car. That mile drive from the school to urgent care was one of the longest drives of my life. Don't ask me why I didn't just stab myself with the epi, and call 911. I just held the epi in my hands. The receptionists moved a lot faster this time, maybe because they could hear me wheezing. It was the nurse that took me back to take my vitals who was slow!

First she wanted to weigh me. No big deal, I was only on the verge of passing out. Then while she was hooking up the blood pressure and pulse/ox equipment, she asked me what was the matter. Even though one of the receptionists had already told her what was going on.
When I told her I was having an allergic reaction, I kid you not, these were the words that came out of your mouth.

"Oh, you're having a reaction right now?"
She seemed honestly surprised and perplexed that I was indeed having an allergic reaction.

Here's what I wanted to say but didn't..
"YES I'M HAVING A REACTION RIGHT NOW!!! What did you think, that I would wait until I got here to eat a dang nut and THEN have the reaction???"

Let us be grateful that my mother walked in at that moment, or else I probably would have said that. Plus a few curse words. By this point, the reaction had been going for about 12 minutes. It's honestly a miracle I was still conscious.

So here I am back in the procedure room, waiting for the doctor, nurse, or even a mammal that
cares. I'm pretty dang sure by this point my Mom was saying words in her head that she raised me to never say. The doctor comes in almost 5 minutes later and starts asking me all these questions. Like, Do I have a history of asthma? It's not a freaking asthma attack dude. I ate a nut. I have an anaphylaxis allergy to peanuts and tree nuts. I didn't get Botox injections in my lips, and I'm not supposed to have gray coloring. Now please hurry the heck up and stab me with your dang epi shot. I didn't say all that either...but I sure thought it! I think my subconscious is against wasting my precious oxygen on stupid people. Oh, he then asked me if I thought I could swallow pills. Well he missed that window about 5 minutes ago! I glared at him and shook my head no. All while wheezing.

Another 5 minutes later the nurse FINALLY walks in with the epi shot, after my mom walked out and informed them if they didn't hurry it up I was going to be dead. Scary thing is, she was telling the truth. My vision was starting to go black. I don't think I've ever been so relieved to see a shot injected into my arm. It took a few minutes for the epi to really take effect, but I knew it was working when I started shivering. Thankfully the doctor gave me one of those blankets they keep in a heater. I wished it had been your John Deere blanket instead though, the epi chills would have been much bearable if I had been wrapped in it.

Since I still wasn't able to swallow pills, they had to give me the shot version of prednisone. I just thought the nurse would shoot it into my other arm, nope! It had to be shot into the back of my hip. Shots in the back of the hip are much more painful than shots in the arm. I now know why she asked my mom to come hold onto me. I may be almost 20 years old, but I had to grip onto my Moms shirt for dear life. The nurse then made me swallow a Xanax. I guess Xanax and benadryl work really well together to help stop severe reactions. It also makes you feel super weird.

The doctor released me 45 minutes later (I guess he wasn't too concerned that my throat still wasn't back to normal...). Grandma Majken showed up to take me home right as they released me. I wasn't allowed to be alone in case I had a secondary reaction. Mom had to go back and finish teaching, and to let the school know that I wasn't dead. I got home, grabbed your John Deere blanket (ha, my teeth were chattering thanks to the epi chills) and passed out asleep on the living room couch for 2 hours. Your blanket did a good job of controlling the chills!

For the most part I've been okay. I think my family is more upset about what happened than I am. Maybe they need some Xanax... Just kidding! I have only had one major side effect from the reaction. Whether it's permanent or temporary I don't yet. Every time I eat or drink, I get nauseated to the point I have to curl up in a ball. Even bottled water makes me sick. All the usual tricks to get nausea to go away don't work, they usually make me feel worse. We're all starting to think that it's psychological. It is the most frustrating thing knowing what's happening to me, is all in my head but I can't fix it. I have to force myself to eat now, and usually it's only a small amount. My body is now scared to eat, and I hope to goodness I can get over it. I can't blame it though, it's had 2 reactions within 3 weeks. Hopefully, as I'm sitting next to you right now, 14.5 months from now, I'm no longer terrified of food killing me.

You know what's cool about writing a letter to the future? I don't have to write I love you, I get to tell you it in person! And you probably have your arm around me right now. And if you don't you're probable putting it around me right now. Haha just because I said something about it. :) i love you :)

Te amo para siempre,
Shannon Rose