No matter what, I wil always worry, and I will always be stressed about something.

So remember how like 2 posts ago I said I should stop stressing and worrying since everything always works out. Well I would like to throw that statement out the window. I was stress and worry free for like 24 hours.

What am I worried about this time? Elder H. He seemed off this week. It wasn't anything he said that made me worry. It was what he didn't say. Nothing about his companion, or what he did to celebrate his birthday down there. He told me that the happy birthday video almost made him cry a few times. That right there says a LOT. Andrew never cries, I can count on less than one hand how many times I know he has cried. And that's spread out over 4.5 years. I just hope this week has been better for him.

Ok, now for the stressing part! I found out this week that I didn't receive any grants or scholorships from BYUI. Which means, if I don't get the TEACH grant, I can't go back to school. My parents aren't going to help me at all anymore with school expenses. Of course they inform me of this 4 months after I filled out the scholarship application. One of the questions on the application was "if needed, could your parents help you out?" I marked yes... Because I thought they would, because they always have. They paid $6500 a month to "save" my older sister, to give her help when she struggled.(no I didn't hit an extra 0, it really was
6500 a month.) They paid $5,000 so my brother could be a foreign exchange student in Germany.
Last year, I had my housing all paid for, all my parents had to pay was $820 in tuition. There was great complaining over that amount, even though I had a half tuition scholarship!

One of the biggest reasons I chose to go to BYUI over USU was the cost. I wanted to save my family as much money as possible. It frustrates me to no end, that my parents willingly helped both my sister and my brother to reach their dreams and goals. But when it comes to me? I'm on my own. And I chose the cheapest way to reach my goal. My mother informed me I would have no choice but to take out student loans. I informed her i would drop out before I ever took out a student loan. Sure loans would mean I would be able to graduate from college, but it also means I would be paying for that college for the next 20 years. That's just not okay with me. It doesn't sit right with me to pay more for something than I originally would have.

Part of me thinks that if I had gone to USU like my mom wanted me too, my parents would be more than willing to help me out. Even though it's almost triple the cost there, and there was no guarantee I would be able to get into the special ed program there.

So the moral of the story is, be careful when you rebel against your parents wishes. Parents can rebel too. which will cause you exceedingly great stress and panic.