4th of July's are zero fun without you. It wasn't the same at all...I knew it wasn't going to be easy, I just didn't realize or understand how hard it would be without you. I didn't have someone to throw things at in order to wake them up (this year i totally would have had Axel or Trigger wake you up, they're getting good at that) I didn't have the usual "shaaaaannn hurry uuuuuupppp" i was amazed by how long it took me to get ready this year, so keep on telling me to hurry up! I didn't have anyone to hold hands with... Picture this, there was my mom and dad, Crystal and James, Ryan and Harli and then me. Just me, trying to attempt a happy face. It was a blessing in disguise that i had to work in the middle of the day. Why? It kept me distracted from thinking of the "whatwouldabeens". it managed to take a little bit of the Sting of loneliness away.
You didn't miss much this year, a lot of the usual people that come for the BBQ couldn't come this year, the parade was pretty short too, the fireworks were better last year, you were lucky enough to miss 5 rounds of arguments during breakfast. Just face it, the 4th is a gazillion times better when you're there.
Overall I had been coping with you being gone this year pretty good, until you said "I wish I
could be there!" I wish you could have been there too, but we both know we would be miserable if you were. You don't belong here right now, there are others that need you soooooo much more than me and your family right now. I can survive another independence day without you, I promise I can. Actually, I'm rather excited for next year...you'll be so close to coming home!
And I promise to stop thinking mean things about every married girl our age....I can still hear you saying "be niiiice". It's just so hard when I see people date for a month and get engaged when I've dated you for almost 4 years. And yes, I do occasionally stomp my foot and
pout about this. I got dating seniority over them, so shouldn't I get married first? That's fair right?
Ok enough complaining. Every heartache and tear and bout of lonely awkwardness has been worth it. Oh so very worth it.
This is the journal of my life, the adventures of my life, and the crazy stories of my life. I'm waiting for an LDS Missionary and this is my way of documenting my life for the next 2 years until he returns.
I love how you said "you don't belong here right now, they are others that need you so much more" I swear that thought sounds so weird but at the same time its so correct. Its that thought that gets me through my hard times, people ask if i'd be married right now if he were here and I always respond with-can't even imagine that, he is gone and where he should be :) Keep up your hard work, its hard but remember its going to be so worth it!!
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