Justin Bieber

Once upon a time roommate Caitlin and former roommate Rachel (oh how I wish Rachel still lived here! Darn you track system!) and I decided to do something over memorial weekend. So we decided to trek 100 miles to some hot springs. It was an AMAZING Saturday afternoon. The down pouring rain and the heat of the hot springs was seriously a perfect combination. I was super ridiculously relaxed and all my stress was gone. It was beyond amazing. Being with 2 of my awesome roommates just made it that much better.

Then came the drive home. I was driving, I was super relaxed, its a long boring drive,  Rachel was flipping through the radio stations trying to find some good tunes to listen too so I wouldn't fall asleep.

One of the stations had Justin Bieber's song Boyfriend playing so I turned it up and started jamming out with Rachel when I heard Caitlin say "Turn it down please." This is when I was a snot and said "No! It's my car!" I was already being kind and not listening to my usual country music because I know she hates that just as much as she hates Justin Bieber. And I was being even kinder and didn't ask either of them for any gas money...so really, I feel I have all right to listen to what I like to jam out to in my car that I pay for.

The rest of the drive home, Caitlin was extremely quiet. I had actually thought she had fallen asleep she was so quiet. When we got back to the apartment she slammed my car door shut, and stormed her way up to the apartment and went straight to her room. Me and Rachel instantly knew she was ticked. We decided it'd be best to give her some space and let her cool off thinking she'd sleep on it and be fine in the morning.

Instead, the opposite happened. I would liken what happened next to say... Mt. Saint Helens erupting. Actually, it might be worse than Saint Helens, it might be of Yellowstone Explosion proportions.

Sunday Morning, the cold shoulder began. I walked into the vanity area to get ready, Caitlin walked out. I said good morning, she said absolutely nothing. Me and Rachel got ditched to get to church on our own. And she sat as far away as possible from us. And then through the lesson I taught in Relief Society (about seeing the potential that Christ sees in us) she did not look up once, and she sat there angry, with as much of her back turned to me as possible. Her anger was so intense that I literally could feel her anger directed towards me. It was bad, I was trying super hard to teach by the spirit and I couldn't because I could only feel her anger directed towards me.

That's when my temper started boiling. I could handle her ignoring me, but really being rude to me during my relief society lesson and making it so I couldn't teach by the spirit? That took it too far.

When we got home, the second I'd walk out to the kitchen/living room area, she would walk out. When I walked out, she'd walk in. She had Rachel tell me that I owe her an apology. Oh boy. I couldn't apologize, one can't apologize for something they do not feel sorry for doing! Sunday afternoon my roommates and Rachel were working on a puzzle, I had nothing else to do so I went and joined. My presence was not acknowledged, and if one couldn't find a certain puzzle piece, the response from Caitlin was "She probably has it down there." oi.

Rachel, as a peace offering offered some of the Sunday dinner me and her were making to Caitlin. Caitlin's response? "Not if she's making it" By this point Sunday afternoon I was beyond ticked, pretty close to livid actually. After all why should I apologize for listening to something that I enjoy in my car, that I pay for. And I would also like to inform the world, that I do indeed have a name. The last time I checked my name was not she, her, or that girl. It. Is. Shannon.  I went for an hour and a half drive to get myself calmed down and to somehow feel sorry for whatever I had done.

By a miracle the drive worked. The second I got back to the apartment I told Caitlin I wanted to talk to her, so we went into the hallway. I did my best to apologize to her. I told her how while I was not sorry for listening to a song that I enjoy, I was sorry for disregarding her feelings. She told  me she was upset because I had said "we're going to listen to the whooooole song." yeah, I don't recall saying that. at all. I finished my apology and before I could continue on with how her actions have hurt me and left me very distrusting of her (I forgot to add I had a half hour sob session in the temple parking lot.), SHE WALKED OUT OF THE HALLWAY AND SHUT THE DOOR IN MY FACE. Awesome. Just awesome. So I walked back to my room where Rachel was skyping with a friend. And she took one look at me, and the sobbing recommenced. I found out the next day, that Caitlin did not accept my apology because I was playing with my phone and texting. Dudes. I was not. I was indeed sliding my phone open and close, because it's a nervous habit of mine. If I have something in my hands when I'm scared or nervous, it will be messed with. But I. Was. Not. Texting. Who the heck would I even be texting at 10pm on a Sunday night??

Some background information might be helpful, my first semester of college, I had the absolute roommates you could imagine. I was constantly being slandered, verbally abused, I lost count of how many times I was called inappropriate names, and I never felt safe or welcomed in that apartment. Even though that was 2.5 years ago, I still haven't fully healed from it. I killed those roommates with kindness, it was the only thing I knew how to do and it drained me.

Caitlin is treating me exactly the way those old roommates treated me. And this time, I'm not strong enough to kill her with kindness. I've caught myself withdrawing instead. I stay in my room and rarely leave it, or I stay on campus until way late. Rachel caught on quick to what I was doing, and her and Alex have been helping me to not completely shut myself off. I honestly don't know what I would do without those two. Rachel even offered her apartment in Idaho Falls to go to for respite.

The contention in the apartment has been so bad, that when two of the roommates that left for the weekend came back they could FEEL it the second they walked in.

It's bad people, it's really bad. And I have no idea what else to do.

My roommate hates me, because I listened to Justin Bieber in my car.
I thought I left junior high 7 years ago....