You've got to be kidding me...

I used to joke that about every 6 years from the time I was 8 something bad happens to me. I had the sledding accident when I was 8, at 14 I had an emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder after it took doctors nearly a week to figure out it was my gallbladder, nearly killing me. Age 20 was when the next "bad thing" was supposed to happen... I'm 19.5 that's scarily close to 20.

I found out tonight that there's a good possibility I might have a form of Diabetes or at least pre-Diabetes. I was at a teacher health screening thing tonight getting my flu shot and my mom wanted to get her glucose levels and cholesterol levels checked so I thought I might as well get my glucose levels checked since it had been like an 1.5 since I had eaten and I still felt pretty shaky so I thought my blood sugar would be low. Um it wasn't low, it was 180 mg/dl. Which is weird since I only had a bowl of cereal early in the morning and didn't eat again until 4 pm-ish.  To give you some perspective a normal person's blood sugar is under 120 mg/dl  1-2 hours after eating. After 2 hours it should be around 100 mg/dl or lower.

What scares me is that diabetes would explain A LOT. Like why I always randomly feel fatigued when I do nothing. Or when one minute I'll feel fine, and a couple minutes later I literally have no energy like it takes everything in me just to walk. It explains why liquids seem to move through me a heck of a lot faster than most people, also why I can drink a bottled water in 2 minutes and feel thirsty 5 minutes later. It explains why that one time I suddenly lost close to 15 lbs and it explains all the headaches and my vision problems. It also doesn't help that both sets of Grandparents, and an uncle all have diabetes. Stupid genetics.

I'm having one of those moments where I want to scream and shout that This Isn't FAIR!!!! After all, I have family members that eat horribly, are way overweight, never exercise etc etc. But yet, they have no symptoms!! So why the crap me??? The one that is always on the go, that has always been active, that tries to eat right. Why ME? I try really hard not to have the whole "Why Me" Attitude, but it's kind of hard to not think that right now.

I'm terrified to go through this without Andrew. This is the first time since he's been gone that I really wish he was still here with me. I just want to curl up in his lap, cry and hear him say that everything will be all right and I want him to give me a priesthood blessing. I just need him right now....