Sometimes I just FAIL.

You know how sometimes you get those moments where so much is crammed into you that you feel like you're going to burst, and if you don't let it out, a few hours later you feel like you're going to EXPLODE? I'm currently having one of those moments.

Having a special needs child stop breathing today at school brought the reality train and hit me hard. Working with the severe kids won't always be all hunky dory I love my job. There are going to be times, where a child's life can be in my hands. Their LIFE. That thought absolutely terrifies me. I've been trained in CPR and using AED machines, but in the 2 years I've been certified, I've never had to use it. I hope I won't ever have too, but going into special ed, it's inevitable. I just hope I'll buy whoever's life is on the line enough time for the paramedics to get there.

Also having my little guy get hurt first thing this morning (darned metal door jam thing) through me for a loop. I seriously felt so bad, I didn't realize he was starting to loose his balance and before I know it, WHAM and we have tears and pain, a little scrape, and a slight bump. Luckily with some ice we got rid of the bump, and he was soon back full energy.

Today was also email from Andrew day! It's pretty much like Christmas every week. Except for this week. I guess I had somehow forgotten to tell him what school I had decided to go back too so when I said something about it in this weeks email...his response "wait, what?? When did you make that decision??" Crap. I could have SWORN I told you. Especially since you're part of the whole plan. This not only happened once, but twice. Further on into the email, "Wait, you're taking mission prep?! You aren't planning on taking off are you?!" Dang it. I swear I told him about taking mission prep with some of my friends. Now the poor guy is going to be wondering if he won't see his girlfriend for 3.5 years. Until next Monday when I can email him and tell him that no I'm not going, I just took the class so I can better understand the experiences he tells me about.

Sometimes I kind of just fail at life.

It's been about a month since I got a letter from him.We're both terrified of the Mexico mailing system, so we haven't tried mailing anything yet. I never realized how much I had taken getting weekly letters. But I miss getting them. I miss how I always knew I'd be getting a letter when the mail man came late. (TRUE STORY!). I miss being able to better pick up on his true emotions, than having to guess and wonder (he's a little better at hiding when he's having a hard time in emails). I like being able to email him, but emails can never compare to how awesome and amazing letters are.

I miss him. I miss his voice. I miss everything about him. I even miss how he'd poke me and say "Soft and squishy with a creamy inside!" Has it been 2 years yet?