LOST: My Sanity. If Found Please Return.

Yeah. It's been one of those days, I mean weeks.

Don't ask me how many times I've been hit, spit at, pouted at, gotten the "I'm mad at you" finger shake, had random objects thrown at me, and a desk tipped over at me, in the last 48 hours.

I lost count.  

Sorry behavior therapist. It's hard to keep tally some days.

I've never doubted my abilities with working with the special needs kids this bad.

I honestly have felt this entire week, that I'm not good enough, I'm not strict enough, I'm too loving, too patient to work with these kids. Especially with my little guy. 

You can add one more to the list, I've also lost count of how many nights I've cried myself because my best friend isn't here to help me see that I really am good enough.

When I first started working in the classroom, I blew off a lot of behaviors because "they don't know better!" 

The more I learn, and am around these kids, the more I say "Bull Crap! They do too know better!"

So lately, I have started a personal zero tolerance policy. 

The loving Teacher Shannon hasn't gone anywhere, but she's just a little bit stricter when she needs to be.

WARNING: RANDOM TANGENT

The only problem with this is that now when I go out in public places where there are a bajillion kids running rampant with parents no where in sight. I have no patience. Like seriously, it's not even funny how little patience I have. I about had a full on anxiety attack in the DI the other night because parents weren't disciplining their kids, or even keeping an eye on them!

Really, If we can't let our special needs kids get away with similar behaviors, than why on earth should the "normal" kids. 

I honestly want to be good enough for these kids. They deserve the best, and I am going to work my behind off to become the best. I'm going to learn all I can from the Special Ed teacher I work under. She is absolutely amazing, and has (I swear) a crazy magical power to be able to know what each child needs.

Thank Heavens I'll have this experience under my wing way before I get to student teaching. 

I'll have seen some stuff that has worked, and what sometimes works, and what turned into a fail.  I'll have seen how more than 1 teacher does things. Meaning, more ideas, and you can never have enough of those. 

I'll have seen good days, somewhere in between days, Full Moon days (which strangely coincide with the next category...) holy freakin what-have-I-gotten-myself-into days, and my most favorite days which I like to call: I love my job, and these kids days.