More bad news and what waiting is really like.

I feel like my life for the last month has been nothing but one set of bad news after another. Tonight I was talking to a good friend of mine who used to be waiting for a missionary in Andrews mission. I asked her how long it took her to get letters and um, the answer was 6-8 weeks. 6 TO 8 FREAKIN WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is an entire transfer and then some. That is ridiculous considering the fact that WE'RE ON THE SAME CONTINENT!!!!!!!!!! I could get a letter faster from Australia. That is beyond unreasonable and worse than pathetic.

(note: the following will be said in extreme frustration and anger).

I sure as heck hope the mission president prayed long and hard about that rule change. And if he didn't, if I ever meet him I plan to let him fully know the hell he has put me through. He should know the ramifications of his decisions. That right there is more than enough motivation for me to learn and become fluent in Spanish so that he can fully understand every single word I say. Please whoever reads this, don't tell me I'm overreacting, and that I should go pray for peace about the rule change. I know I'm overreacting, and I have been praying to feel peace day and night for the past 3.5 weeks. It truly bothers me how people hold mission presidents in the same category the prophet. A prophet will be killed if he disobeys God, a mission president won't. Mission presidents are human, meaning they make mistakes too.

No one on this earth truly knows and understands the pain I'm going through right now. I'm exhausted of being judged, even by my own family for this. I need to explain to you how this feels. If you're married/engaged go back to the point in your relationship where you knew without a doubt you had found your eternal companion, and if you aren't either of the latter, imagine how much love you will have for your future spouse do not read on until you feel overcome with an extreme amount of love for a person you may not even know yet. Now, imagine you had to send your other half to a foreign country, not just a foreign land in a nice vacation spot. But a foreign land in an extremely dangerous and unprotected area. One so dangerous you don't even dare click on news articles for fear of what you might read. Ok, got it pictured? Now imagine going from daily contact to only being allowed to communicate once a week either through a letter, or an email. But not both, it takes too much time out of their busy busy schedules to do both, and we don't want to distract them from what we sent them off to do. At first, you feel like you are going to die only hearing from them once a week, but then you learn how to cope with it and soon you look forward to each of those emails and you also realize you are nearly fully happy again. People will look at you crazy when you let out a squeal of excitement each week when that letter/email comes. Now, imagine devastation hitting. You feel like you have been told, by someone who doesn't even know you exist, that you are nothing, that you do not matter because you don't have the same DNA or last name and therefore you are no longer allowed to hear from your other half each week. Instead you are told to rely on letters, your other half promises to write each week, and you know he will. Letters from this foreign land are frequently lost or stolen, the postal workers apathetic, not even considering there might be someone out there waiting for that letters arrival. You are left to watch for the mailman each day, getting your hopes up each time the mailman pulls away, that the precious letter you have been waiting for will be in your mailbox. You run to the mailbox, look through the pile of mail at least 3 times, each time your heart falling lower, and lower, before you finally realize there is absolutely nothing for you. Repeat the mailbox scene everyday. Weeks go by, you're left wondering if your other half truly is okay because you know he doesn't tell his family the full truth. You miss the little details he told you behind spiritual experiences that he doesn't tell his family because he'd be showing too much emotion for them. At this point you want to give up. But you can't. You don't pray about someone, get an answer and then go against that answer. You are in this for the long haul. And right now, you are merely trying to cope and live. You cry every night, glare at those who complain about going a few hours without their other half, and really glare at those who tell you to "get over it". You know you will come out stronger after this is over with, but you know that trials break you down before they make you stronger.


I hope you all understand now what I'm going through. I am weak, broken and exhausted. And I also want to smack a mission president. I promise I'll update soon about the craziness of my life, I have lots to tell!