And It absolutely terrifies me.
I'm starting to forget what the color of his eyes looked like...what it felt like to hold his hand...to hug him...
What it was like to go on random drives together...to sing along to the radio together...
What does his voice sound like again? His real true laugh? To see him not just smile, but grin?
How did it sound like whenever he told me "I love you"?
How did it feel when he'd hold me and make everything okay again?
What did this feel like...
I don't want to forget what it was like! I KNOW it was amazing, that I was insanely happy, that he is my very best friend, my other half. So why. WHY must these little memories start to fade? I've held onto them so dang tightly for the last 8 months. I haven't released my grip at all on them, but they're fading on their own...
I'm going to start writing down every little memory of us that pops up in my head so I won't forget, whether it's on here, or in my hard copy journal, or on the closest available paper. I refuse to forget!
Before he left he told me he was terrified I was going to forget what it was like. That he would lose me. I promised him that I wouldn't forget, that I would do everything in my power not to forget.
It's time to start doing everything in my power,
it's time to start fighting for those memories, to fight for Elder H and I.
I know waiting for him is right, we've had confirmation after confirmation about that.
I'm going to hold on for dear life. 16 months is nothing compared to eternity.
I can do this. I WILL do this!!
I totally like the idea of writing down all of the things you remember about him. I am going to start doing that.
ReplyDeleteI firmly believe and feel that as time continues to pass, all those times I've wanted to squeeze him, hug him, kiss him, and just look at him, have made me stronger and the love grow fonder and deeper. It certainly can get tough, but when you think about what it will be like one day to see him again with the newfound maturities your souls have yet to meet, you see the whole tunnel lit up. And not only is the whole tunnel lit up, but now you have the power to run to the end and finish the race.
Put your trust in the Lord, pray that you can always remember, pray that you can grow in the spirit and can grow a deeper love for your missionary. Seriously, it's taken until very recently that because I prayed, I have been able to feel closer to Eric (despite the 18 months of separation between us) and grown in the Spirit and grow in love. I have honestly never been more in love with him.
There's this little triangle thing that I was taught in seminary.
God
^
/ \
Man Woman
I have seen this more true than with Eric and I.
Good luck Shannon!
Love you girl!
I seriously feel the same, and I'm only 4 months in....
ReplyDelete