Why Last Week Was The Pits.

To begin last week, I found out my 2nd cousin committed suicide. Have you ever been to a suicide funeral? They are the hardest funerals you will ever go to, pray you will never have to go to one, that those dear to you won't ever do something like that. My heart still breaks for his wife and 2 kids he left behind...and for his parents, and siblings...oh if he only remembered how much everyone loved him!!!

Then the first part of last week I got the notice from the school principle about the aide situation for next year.

 Tuesday, my sister and brother in law got bad news at the fertility clinic. Round 2 of the hormone shots didn't work. My sister isn't going to be ovulating. They've been trying for 2.5 years to have a baby. Now, it's financially out of their reach. The shots are $1100 a week, each visit to the clinic costs $250+, and there were some weeks where they had to go to the clinic 3 times. Infertility isn't covered by their insurance. They're emotionally, and financially broke. My brother in law is convinced I'll have a baby before they will.  I can't do that to my sister, that would kill her.

Wednesday, on the drive back from the funeral, my Grandma Gloria made it very very clear that she does not want to be resuscitated. She's battling lymphoma right now, and going through chemo. We won't know for a few more months if the chemo has worked. I hate cancer.

Then Little Guy decided to hate my living guts Thursday and Friday. Don't ask me how many times he chucked pencils, folders, magnetic letters, anything-he-could-get-his-hands-on at me. I lost count after about 25. Don't ask me how many times he spit at me, hit me, and pinched me. I lost count, after about 70.
I had to ignore it all since he was trying to a reaction out of me.

Saturday I hardly had the will to get out of bed. I was emotionally exhausted.  Had it not been for a birthday party that night, I probably wouldn't have gotten out of bed at all.

Sunday, I dragged my butt to church. But only to sit next to a soon-to-be-engaged couple during sacrament. I overheard the guy ask the girl about the ring on my finger, she explained to him I had a boyfriend on a mission, that it was a promise ring. He laughed. Never mind I was only a foot away, so I heard the ENTIRE thing. It didn't help that she laughed about it too. And to think I considered her a good friend. Too bad he's an RM. It would have been a good dose of humble pie for them to be apart with only once a week letters/emails for 2 whole years.  Usually I don't let that stuff get to me...but this time it did...it still kind of bothers me. I don't laugh at their relationship, so why should they laugh and mock mine?

Sunday night, I cried for 3+ hours. I always try to keep my emails to Elder H positive, upbeat, and funny. I know how I'm doing affects how he's doing, and if I'm down, he's down. I don't want him down, he can't be down!! I cried because I had no idea how I was going to write a positive email. How could I when one bad thing after another kept happening? I did my best but needless to say, my attempt to cover my struggles up failed. He told me to not write such sad emails...that I need to keep looking on the bright side of life...
I tried, I honestly did the best I could. But sometimes, my best isn't good enough, sometimes life is just. plain. hard. I guess I should have flat out told him I needed Andrew, not Elder H. I was doing my best to look at the bright side, and told him all the good things that happened last week. Sadly though, there wasn't enough good to cover up the bad...and I only told him 3 of the bad things, all very briefly.

This week has been semi-better, and next week better be tons better. After all, everything always gets better.